【13 Things專訪】愛是世界通用的語言──遇見台灣女人國公關Jin

在 驕 傲 月，

我 們 一 瞥 一 道 道 散 落 在 亞 洲 不 同 角 落 的 彩 虹，

邀 請 了 來 自 日 本、新 加 坡、台 灣、香 港 的 酷 兒 分 享 TA 們 的 13 件 事，

回 首 生 命 中 的 滂 沱 大 雨，

幻 想 彩 虹 彼 端 的 烏 托 邦。

On Pride Month, let us take a peek at rainbows scattered across Asia.

Inspirational queer faces from Japan, Singapore, Taiwan and Hong Kong.

Reminiscing their rainy days in life, and imagining a world over the rainbow.

＃HFASKS
你一生中最驕傲的時刻是什麼？

「試著愛上男生這件事徹底宣告失敗！」台灣女人國公關Jin大方自在地分享著她的彩虹經歷。雖然Jin高中時就讀女校，見過無數短髮男孩樣的女生，在一個包容同性戀的環境下成長，可是她跟不少的酷兒一樣，經歷過一段猶䂊的日子，心想自己是不是也要像朋友那樣，交個男朋友。直至大學時看多了女同志或女權相關議題，認識了圈內的朋友，終於找到自己的彩虹，並為女生和女生在一起感到美好。

Jin, PR at Lez’s Meeting, shares her journey to owning her rainbow. Growing up in an all-girl school and lesbian-friendly environment, she was swimming in the right pool. Butch, Femme; Chapstick, Lipstick. Yet like many queers, she went through a phase of trying to date the other sex. “But I just couldn’t find a man to fall in love with!” she laughed. It was not until university that she learned more about homosexuality, feminism, and met friends in the LGBTQ+ community. Then, she found her own rainbow: One Lipstick for Two lovers.

正因為美好，Jin沒有刻意去剪短髮，也不一定愛上剛陽氣的女生；她反而喜歡用「原來的樣子」去相愛，不需要特別改變自己。然而，人們總愛問女同志情侶：「你們誰是比較男生、比較女生」或者是「誰是老公、誰是老婆」等類似的問題；說者也許無歧視之心，但對於Jin來說，打扮與氣質根本跟性向沒有關係，是個性的問題。

An idyllic relationship. Jin keeps her mane of hair glossy and kempt, happy to share her wardrobe and makeup with the other half. “Be real in a relationship,” she said. “Don’t try to change yourself.” Yet the stereotype of lesbian couples are deeply embeeded in everyone’s mind that she finds herself repetitively answering questions that seems petty for her : “Which one of you wears pants?” “Who is the man and who is the wifey?” Jin finds these remarks out of context.. For her, your wardrobe does not dictate your sexual preferences and the two should not be mixed.

這種愛情角色定型，也許呼應著Jin對台灣酷兒群體的未來展望——儘管台灣目前已經是同志婚姻合法的國家，但生活上的尊重和平等議題上，還是得再努力。她深深相信：「當我們再也不用為了自己的性向受委屈、受到不公平的攻擊和對待，甚至不用再為了一個基本權利需要站出來為自己抗爭發聲的那一刻才是真正的平等。」

Jin’s experience leads to her hopes for true equality – Though Taiwan has legalised same-sex marriage, there are still a lot to be done in terms of gender equality. “The time we are treated equally regardless of our sexual orientation, the time we do not have to fight for our rights, is the time where true equality exists.”

現在，送上我們與Jin的完整彩虹對話。

Here is our rainbow dialogue with Jin.

HF：HOKK Fabrica | J：Jin

HF：你的性取向是什麼？
What is your sexual orientation?

J：我是喜歡女生的女生，所以我把自己定義為同性戀。我喜歡女生的類型是跟我一樣看起來像女生的女生，所以在台灣的話這樣子會叫做PPL，就是兩個都是女生的外表。我對PPL的定義，我不想因為自己喜歡女生，就把自己變得像偏男生的女生。我喜歡用自己原本的樣子去喜歡女生，不需要特別的改變自己。
I am a lesbian that prefers a femme femme lesbian relationsihp. There is an acronym in Taiwan, PPL (PoPoLove), which “Po” is a synonym for wifey or feminine in the gay community. The term PPL is quite precise when it comes to talking about my dating preferences. People assign gender roles, even for same-sex relationships, but I know perfectly well that butch does not feel natural to me. It might seem unconventional but I like to keep my femininity when dating another femme, it feels right for me.

HF：你如何回憶起自己在學校/年輕時的LGBT的經歷?
What was it like growing up, finding your gender and sexuality?

J：應該是從幼稚園就發現自己對女生比較有好奇心，讀國小時，某次發現女同學會開始討論自己喜歡哪個男生，同學問我:「妳喜歡誰？」當時當然是小朋友純純的愛那種，但當下我被這個問題考倒了！因為在這之前我完全不會想到「有喜歡男生這件事？」「一定要有喜歡哪個男生？」，從那時候開始，我開始思考是不是也要喜歡某個男生比較合理？當時年紀小隨便講了一個男生的名字敷衍同學，但並不真的有喜歡或是有心動的感覺，頂多是覺得那個男生長得特別好看或是運動特別厲害，僅此而已。
I found girls fascinating since kindergarten, but I did not find it odd until an incident that happened in elementary school. One of those pre-teen days when kids started talking about puppy love. The girls were chatting, which boys they liked and casually asked me “Who do you have a crush on?” I was dumbfounded. “Do I need to have a crush?” “Do I like boys?”, questions started popping into my head. Realising I spent most of my time thinking about girls, it seemed to be the right thing to do, have an imaginary crush, just to fit in. I mumbled a name to the girls, a boy who I barely had interest in. I remembered that boy just because he was more distinctive amongst the others, and I knew girls that age were usually attracted to sporty, good-looking boys.

之後高中讀的是女校，發現原來很多女生會喜歡上女生，在女校這件事是一件很正常且頻繁發生在周遭的事，但都是「短髮男孩樣女生」再加一個「長髮女孩樣女生」的組合，就是現在的T+P，或是喜歡女生，就要把自己的頭髮剪的像男生，我高中是長頭髮女生，沒有人會覺得妳會喜歡女生，但當時我也不想因為自己喜歡長髮女孩樣女生就要把自己變得像男生或把頭髮剪短，我喜歡我是女生的樣子，並且用我原來的樣子去喜歡女生，不需要特別改變自己。
Attending an all-girl high school expanded my knowledge on girls and dating. Dating girls were common and accepted in our school, but it was always cookie-cutter lesbians: a butch and a femme, or in Taiwan “T+P” (Tomboy and Po). The unwritten rule was you had to get that tomboy cut to be a lesbian. I have always kept my hair long. It was not worth it, cutting those locks I was so attached to, just to claim myself a lesbian. So I kept my hair and kept my liking for girls a secret, until I could figure out a way to have both.

大學時期，別人問會問妳:「怎麼都不交男朋友」這些問題困擾了我一段時間，心裡也會想是不是交一個男朋友看起來比較合理，但後來發現自己可以欣賞男生沒問題，但完全無法真正去愛上一個男生，甚至連牽手都感到不舒服會抗拒，試著愛上男生這件事徹底宣告失敗！
University was a pain at first. “When will you have a boyfriend!” I was bombarded with questions and for a while and struggled. I was not sure about my sexuality then so I started experimenting, yet it seems impossible to fall for a man. Turns out my relationships with men were purely platonic, and I could feel the instant physical repulsion as soon as we started holding hands. My attempts to fall in love with the other sex? Complete failure.

之後會開始看很多跟女同志或女權相關議題的電影、新聞報導、或雜誌，更積極想要參與這些活動，多認識圈內的朋友，大學曾經到女性影展實習，後來加入女人國當公關，我可以大方自在地說:「我是女生，我喜歡女生」並為這件事感到美好，我覺得女生和女生在一起是一件美到不行的事。
Realising I might be a lesbian, I started educating myself about homosexuality and feminism. From movies, news and magazines, anything I could find. After being in a few events and meeting some friends within the community, I was ready to take on a more active role in the LGBTQ+ community. From interning in Woman Make Waves to joining Lez’s Meeting as a PR, I have come this far. Now I can announce, with utmost confidence that I am a femme that likes femme. One lipstick and two lovers, how wondrously beautiful is that?

HF：你有否曾因性傾向而遭受過暴力/偏見?
Have you ever experienced violence/discrimination because of to your sexuality?

J：沒有，當我說到自己喜歡女生這件事時，目前遇到生活周遭的人和環境都蠻能夠接受這件事，也平常心看待這件事，甚至會很有興趣的和我聊起來，也感謝這樣懂得尊重別人和包容多元的環境，讓我能自在的做我自己，愛我所愛的人。
No. The people around me are quite accepting when I tell them that I am a lesbian. I was treated just the same, some might even be intrigued and want to know more about it. I am very grateful to be in a place that respects diversity, giving me a safe and supportive environment to express myself and my sexuality.

HF：你希望如何影響未來?
How would you like to influence the future?

J：台灣目前已經是同志婚姻合法的國家，但同志們在真實的生活當中是否能真正得到該有的尊重和平等，這件事情是還需要再努力的。因為我認為的平等是，當大家可以把同性戀這件事當作是很正常的事，當我們再也不用為了自己的性向受委屈、受到不公平的攻擊和對待，甚至不用再為了一個基本權利需要站出來為自己抗爭發聲的那一刻才是真正的平等。
Though Taiwan has legalised same-sex marriage, there are still a lot to be done in terms of gender equality, queers are still experiencing microaggression. The time we are treated equally regardless of our sexuality and sexual orientation, the time we do not have to fight for our rights, is the time where true equality exists.”

HF：你對想要擁抱彩虹的人有什麼建議?
Advice for those who are coming out?

J：任何一個性別、性傾向都沒有錯！勇敢且自信的做自己！可以試著多認識圈內朋友，多參加相關的活動，先坦誠、勇敢的面對自己，才能找到真正的自己。
There is nothing wrong with being queer! Be unapologetically yourself! Start from getting to know people from the LGBTQ+ community and joining a few events. To find out who you truly are, you need to have the courage to listen and face your inner self.

HF：對於LGBTQ +群體，你不能理解的是⋯⋯
Things people said to you within the LGBTQ+ community….

J：當人們知道你是PPL的時候，他會問你們說「哦你們誰是比較男生、比較女生？」或者是「誰是老公誰是老婆」，我不喜歡回答這個問題，因為我覺得女生可以很man，男生也可以很溫柔，所以我覺得這個跟性向沒有關係，是個性的問題。
When I identify myself as PPL (Femme Femme Relationship), they will always bring out the same gender role questions: “Which one of you wear pants?” “Who is the man and who is the wifey?” It feels odd answering these questions, especially within the queer community. Girls can be butch and boys can be femme. Our choice of fashion has nothing to do with gender roles or sexual preferences, it is simply out of context.

HF：你最喜歡的LGBTQ + 人物？
Your favorite LGBTQ+ figure?

J：我最喜歡的是 Cara Delevingne，先撇開她是不是女同志，我都會說我喜歡她這個人，她會關心社會議題，為弱勢發聲。她獨特，她擁有與別人不一樣的魅力。
Cara Delevingue. Despite her sexual orientation or other claims she refers herself to. She has a likable personality, a model who uses her fame to speak up on social issues, for cultural minorities. Her fireceness and bravery makes her one of a kind.

HF：你最喜歡的LGBTQ +電影？
Your favorite LGBTQ+ movie?

J：我常常跟人家分享這部電影——《花吃了那女孩》，2008年陳宏一導演拍的。雖然近期許多優秀的外國女同志電影在台灣上映，但是我自己本人比較偏愛國片，對國片比較有情感，比較容易走進內心的感情。還有就是《誰先愛上他》這部電影。
“Candy Rain” by Chen Hung-I and “Dear Ex” co-directed by Mag Hsu and Hsu Chih-yen. Though international lesbian movies are becoming more available in Taiwan Cinemas, I prefer local productions where I can feel warmth and sentiments in a movie.

HF：對你而言，「驕傲」一詞代表什麼？
What does “Pride” mean to you?

J：驕傲不代表是自大，而是鼓勵這群人去勇敢的相信自己。在他們面對霸凌或是逼害，他們可以不用因為自己的性向而感到自卑。
In the queer context, “pride” is not equivlanet to arrogance. It is a term the community uses for self-affirmation. With bias and repressions deep-rooted in their psyche, “pride” assures them that one should not be ashamed of who they are.

HF：「出櫃」或「櫃」對你意味著什麼？
What does “coming out” or “closeting” mean to you?

J：對我來說出櫃是可以明白地表達自己，不用再掩飾，不用再配合別人，不用去符合別人的期待 ，可以自己選擇想要的人生 。當然，在出櫃的時候會面臨自己的問題，也有需要克服的難關。沒有出櫃的話，可能是家庭因素、環境因素不允許，比如在某些國家你承認是同性戀的話你可能會遭受到一些逼害、危險，所以不出櫃也可能出自於保護自己的一種方式。每個人都有不同的選擇。
“Coming out” means revealing yourself, searching for clarity. Change always brings turmoil, and we all need to overcome those obstacles before living an authentic life. Some chose “closeting” to protect themselves, not wanting to risk because of the circumstances they are currently in. Essentially there is no one prescribed way to come out and everyone should have the freedom of staying in or coming out.

Instagram: jin.yang.1991

HF：你一生中最驕傲的時刻是什麼？
What was your proudest moment in life?

J：身為台灣人一定就是台灣去年台灣成為亞洲第一個同婚合法的國家。那一刻就是很多人都哭，因為走到這一刻是很多人流血流汗，甚至是失去性命換來的。平權路上感謝這些可以一起奮鬥的人。
In 2019 Taiwan became the first country in Asia to legalise same-sex marriage. That was a tear-jerking moment for all of us, thinking how we have come this far, a law built upon sacrifices, and we finally got our “happily ever after”. I will treasure this moment forever and thank those who helped make this historic law happen.

HF：「愛」對你意味著什麼?
What does “Love” mean to you?

J：我認為愛，是世界通用的語言，因為有愛讓這個世界更美好一點！它可以超越國界、跨越性別，在愛之前，人人平等。
Love is a universal language, a language that makes the world a beautiful place. Love transcends any boundaries. In the face of love, everyone is equal.

PRODUCTION: HOKK MEDIA
INTERVIEW AND TEXT: YANNI W / HOKK FABRICA
VIDEO: SONIA C / HOKK FABRICA
TRANSCREATION: DAWNY TSOI
DESIGN: WINNIE F / HOKK FABRICA

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