【13 Things專訪】盡一己力創建一個解放酷兒的社會──遇見新加坡設計學生Charm

在 驕 傲 月，

我 們 一 瞥 一 道 道 散 落 在 亞 洲 不 同 角 落 的 彩 虹，

邀 請 了 來 自 日 本、新 加 坡、台 灣、香 港 的 酷 兒 分 享 TA 們 的 13 件 事，

回 首 生 命 中 的 滂 沱 大 雨，

幻 想 彩 虹 彼 端 的 烏 托 邦。

On Pride Month, let us take a peek at rainbows scattered across Asia.

Inspirational queer faces from Japan, Singapore, Taiwan and Hong Kong.

Reminiscing their rainy days in life, and imagining a world over the rainbow.

＃HFASKS
有什麼事情會使你懼怕？

「這在於我們去盡一己力，創建一個解放酷兒的社會。」這位來自新加坡的設計系三年級學生Charm，渴望與所有酷兒分享她的彩虹，透過自己在社交媒體上的精美插圖，讓人們看見那些被社會所忽視的一群。作為一位雙性戀者，Charm更喜歡使用籠統的「酷兒」一詞，於這個群體與其他成員一同擁抱彩虹、一起奮鬥。

Charm, a year 3 student majoring in design, aspires to share her rainbow with the queer community in Singapore. Identify as bisexual yet prefers to use the umbrella term “queer”, she found her place in the queer community and feels that she can relate to the struggles of her fellow rainbow huggers.

「我試圖將自己裝扮成同性戀或異性戀，但我不知道有雙性戀這個可能，所以我在很長一段時間裡都巡迴在兩者之間。」Charm自小在許許多多的規範與期望下成長，被教導要素養端莊。然而她是一位天生的藝術家，她的宇宙始終是奔放多彩，因此在升讀大學時，她選擇了設計專業。大學這個自由的空間，讓Charm得以自如地去探索，透過千變萬化的髮型、時尚風格來表達自己，最重要的是在那𥚃她遇見了一群酷兒伙伴。

“I tried to box myself up into gay or straight, I did not know being bisexual was a possibility, so I bounced around the two for a really long time.” Growing up in an Anglo-Chinese School, she was taught to be prim and proper. Charm lived amongst them, yet her mind was always in a kaleidoscopic swirl of colors. Black and white was not for her, she was a born artist.

She knew her calling and decided to study design while choosing her major in university. With the new found freedom, Charm started exploring herself, dabble with fashion, and most importantly, she stepped into the queer community. Charm embraced her rainbow quickly and was not shy to express it through her ever-changing hairstyle, which she recently shaved her colorful locks off without blinking an eye.

可是Charm知道除了擁抱自己的那道彩虹，她還必須為那些仍在尋覓自己身份的人努力：「『驕傲』需要很大的勇氣和力量，尤其是當你生活在一個性別二元的社會中，維持現狀往往活得更加容易。」她續說：「驕傲是必要的，而且對不同的人看起來也很不一樣。」

Yet she knew it was not just about her, she had to share the rainbow with others too, those were still in their journey embracing their identity, “Pride takes a lot of courage and strength especially when you live in a hetronormative, that subscribes to the gender binary and it is really comfortable being in the status quo. Pride is necessary and it can look very different to different people as well,” she explained. Singapore was not a queer-friendly place to live in, according to Charm.

雖然新加坡不是一個對酷兒友善的地方，難免叫人沮喪，但性格善良的Charm在閱讀過無數的故事和報導後，決定承擔一個使命——提高新加坡對LGBTQ +問題的認識。 Charm和朋友創辦了一個名為Kaleidoscope的大專酷兒組織，在各大院校間築起酷兒網絡。「有人曾經告訴我，也許我們一生中可能不會看到這種變化，但我認為，至少現在我們可以為酷兒解放盡一己力，在等待應得的權益同時開始創建理想的酷兒友善環境，互相支持。」也許這正是：因為堅持才看見希望。

After reading numerous stories and reports, and driven by her kind-hearted nature, she decided to take on a mission to raise awareness on LGBTQ+ issues in Singapore. Charm and her peers started “Kaleidoscope”, an LGBTQ+ organization in her university, and is a member of the inter-university LGBT network. “Somebody once told me that perhaps we might not see this change within our lifetime,” she is still hopeful, “but I think it is really up to us to try to imagine and build queer liberation. There are a lot of things we can do for one another in the meantime while we wait for the laws to catch up with us.”

現在，送上我們與Charm的完整彩虹對話。

Here is our rainbow dialogue with Charm.

HF：HOKK Fabrica | C：Charm

HF: 你的性別身分是什麼？
What is your gender identity?

C: 我用她、Ta作代名詞。 我自稱為酷兒，有時候也會用「雙性戀者」或「非二元性別者」的稱號。
I use she and they as pronouns. I identify myself as queer but i also use terms like bisexual and gender queer.

HF: 對你而言，「驕傲」一詞代表什麼？
What does “Pride” mean to you?

C: 在二元性別才視為正常、異性戀霸權的社會當中，非異性戀或非順性別者要正視及接受自我需要莫大的勇氣。彩虹驕傲相當重要，而每個人對「驕傲」一詞都有獨特的註解。所以對我來說彩虹驕傲就是活出自己的人生，絕不妥協。
Pride takes a lot of courage and strength especially when you live in a society that is heteronormative, that subscribes to the gender binary and it is really comfortable being in the status quo. Pride is necessary and it can look very different to different people as well. So, to me, pride is about living however you can and want to.

HF: 你如何回憶起自己在學校/年輕時的LGBT的經歷？
What was it like growing up, finding your gender and sexuality?

C: 作為雙性戀者，在沒有雙性戀的概念之前，有段時間在異性戀愛和同性戀愛之間遊走，嘗試尋找答案。再加上在的教會學校成長，被老師灌輸傳統好學生或好女性的觀念，環境限制下沒有什麼機會接觸和探索性別性向多元這些題目。
I was bisexual. I tried to box myself up into gay or straight, I did not know being bisexual was a possibility, so I bounced around the two for a really long time. Also I was studying in an Anglo-Chinese School and because there were so many expectations and restrictions on what a good student should be, a good female student should be. So there were not a lot of opportunities to express gender variance and variance on sexuality.

HF:「深櫃」對你意味著什麼？
What does “Closeting” mean to you?

C: 深櫃很多時候都是因為缺乏安全感。在酷兒文化不友善的社會底下，有些人為了在融入社會而躲藏。
Being in the closet often times means safety, especially when you are not in a queer affirming environment, being in the closet could mean survival.

HF: 你有否曾因性傾向而遭受過暴力/偏見?
Have you ever experienced violence/discrimination because of to your sexuality?

C: 很慶幸自己從來沒有因為性取向而遭到粗暴對待。不過，我從一個本地女同性戀、雙性戀和跨性別女性創立的民間組織Sayoni 得知，在新加坡酷兒群體中，女性因性向受過的種種身體暴力與歧視。雖沒有遭受過身體創傷，我也經歷過被人用有色眼光看待。記得有一次和前女友在公眾場所，一位陌生女人突然走過來對我們大喊，說兩個女生戀愛是不對的，令社會蒙羞，我們應該感到羞恥。另一個令我傷感的經歷是，曾經有群體裡的人說我只是個雙性戀，沒資格在酷兒圈立足。不被自己群體接納的感覺令我相當難受。
I am very privileged to not have experienced violence for my sexuality, and I have learnt a lot about this in the report by an organization called Sayoni in my country. They had basically documented the types of discrimination that happens to LGBTQ woman in Singapore. In my own experience, there was once I was out in public with my then partner, and this random lady just came up to us and started yelling for quite a while, yelling at us for being together, saying that it is shameful and we are ashamed. Another incident that affected me greatly was when someone from within the the queer community said that I did not really have a place within this community because as a bisexual person I was not truly queer, so that has really hit me hard.

HF: 你引以為傲的事情？
What is your proudest achievement?

C：近年來我最自豪的成就大概是開始積極參與新加坡的酷兒群體後，跟朋友們共同創立了大學第一個酷兒學會。 雖然我們組織的學會到現在還未受大學認可，但這一年來，每次舉辦活動都會遇到志同道合的新朋友 ，分享大家的經驗和掙扎。看著自己親手創立的群體慢慢成長，是我最因而為傲的事情。
I came together with a group of people who are now my friends, and we started this organization at school for queer people. One year on we are still not recognized by the school but at every event we have had, it has been a joy to meet people and it is this community growth that makes me really proud.

HF：你最熱衷與哪些社會議題？
What social issues are you passionate about and why?

C: 在新加坡，距離同性性行為或同性婚姻合法化仍有一段很長的路。有人曾經跟我說過我們的願景或許有生之年也不會成真，有時候想到也會覺得氣餒。 氣餒過後，我們還是團結一致的合作，為星加坡的LGBTQ+ 群體發聲。終點雖看似遙不可及，但至少現在我們可以為酷兒解放盡一己力，在等待應得的權益同時開始創建理想的酷兒友善環境，互相支持。
For singapore, decriminalization of gay sex, and the legislation of gay marriage feels very very distant at times. Somebody once told me that perhaps we might not see this change within our lifetime,so that for me feels very disempowering at times, but I think it is really up to us to try to imagine and build queer liberation that is apart from the state’s permission. There are a lot of things we can do for one another in the meantime while we wait for the laws to catch up with us.

HF: 作為LGBTQ+ 的一員，在新加坡居住是什麼感覺？
How does it feel like, living in Singapore as a LGBTQ+ person?

C: 新加坡不是一酷兒友善的社會。政府有關性別的法律過時而保守，尤其是刑事罪行化男子間的性關係，而坊間仍然有些人對我們受到的壓迫視而不見，至是年輕一代也有排斥性傾向不同的人。以我所見，普遍新加坡年輕人仍然對同性戀、跨性別和雙性戀感到厭惡和排斥。
I would say that Singapore is not the most queer friendly country to live in, we have this penal code that criminalises gay sex between men, and there are some people in Singapore who are still in denial of the discrimination we face. In my opinion, homophobia, transphobia and queerphobia is pervasive even within the younger generation.

群體間除了會探討性傾向與性別認同，還注重包容種族、階級和殘疾的等層面，畢竟每個人背後的故事都是獨特的，而除了性別之外他們也可能需要面對其他層面的歧視。
The LGBTQ+ Community is definitely not monolithic, given that in queerness there are already so many layers : sexuality, gender identity, on top of that we add race, class, disability.

HF：有關新加坡LGBTQ+群體的一件事？
Something about the LGBTQ+ community in Singapore？

C: 在新加坡LGBTQ+群體我還算是個新人，但很快已經學會尊重文化多樣的重要性。群體間除了會探討性傾向與性別認同，還注重包容種族、階級和殘疾的等層面，畢竟每個人背後的故事都是獨特的，而除了性別之外他們也可能需要面對其他層面的歧視。 社交媒體在幫群體增加曝光率起了很大作用。@myqueerstorysg 和 @minorityvoices 是我每天必看的Instagram帳戶，他們經常更新並發布與酷兒有關的專題故事。
I have not been involved in the LGBTQ+ community for long, but what I have learnt is that it is definitely not monolithic, given that in queerness there are already so many layers : sexuality, gender identity, on top of that we add race, class, disability. There is no all-encompassing story and social media has played a role in opening my eyes. I follow a few accounts namely @myqueerstorysg and @minorityvoices and these accounts really give visibility to all these different stories.

HF：你最喜歡的LGBTQ +書?
Your favorite LGBTQ+ Novel?

C : 印象最深是一位新加坡作家李婉婷的處女作：Delayed Rays of a Star，書中栩栩如生的描述三位女星的生平，如置身電影當中，初讀至今仍印象猶深。
Delayed Rays of a Star by Amanda Lee Koe. That book was really well written and so cinematic, it is by a Singaporean author. It is so vivid and full of life, I think about it very often.

HF：你最喜歡的LGBTQ +電影?
Your favorite LGBTQ+ Movie?

C: 徐譽庭和許智彥共同執導的台灣電影《誰先愛上他的》，看同性戀題材的華語電影特別有親切感。新加坡媒體很少描述性小眾，所以看到由台灣演員演繹，熟悉的中文對白與電影中真實描繪同性戀人的生活對我有莫大意義：亞洲酷兒不是異類，我們都是平凡人，過平凡的生活。
Dear Ex, co-directed by Mag Hsu Hsu Chih-yen. Watching the queer experience in Mandarin, which is my mother tongue, really connected with me. In Singapore we do not really see that kind of media representation and it really spoke to me that, within this cultural context, queer people do exist.

另外就是剛重看第三次的酷兒電影： 法國導演瑟琳·席安瑪的《燃燒女子的畫像》。我希望更多藝術家能透過媒體增加酷兒群體的曝光率，以電影美麗而忠實地呈現性小眾的故事。
Another one is Portrait of a Lady on Fire by Céline Sciamma. A queer movie that I have watched for the third time recently, there are yet a lot to be portrayed in the media, beautifully and genuinely.

HF：有什麼事情會使你懼怕？
What is your greatest fear?

C: 決定向家人出櫃及公開自己的性取向應該是我一生最大的恐懼。想像到坦白的後果可能是失去家人，那種痛實在是難以承受。
The greatest fear that I have experienced was when I was coming out to my family. I think that fear of rejection and losing your loved ones was really crippling at that point.

HF：對於想要擁抱彩虹的人們有什麼建議？

C: 從出櫃到重新認識自己是一個漫長而沒有終點的旅程。個人建議多閱讀和吸收知識，透過聆聽他人的故事和學習性向歷史，幫助發掘自我，走你獨有的道路。積極學習開拓了我的視野。令我對身邊發生的事更敏感，及對之後走的路、可能遇到的事做好心理準備。最重要是對生命抱持開放態度、參與其中；為身邊人付出、善待他人。
Coming out, learning about yourself, it is an ongoing journey with no ending stage. I think reading, exposing yourself to information is really important as well. It opens your mind and your eyes to things that are happening around you, things that could happen to you, things that you know you could be. Just to open, be involved, and give to people, being kind.

Instagram: charmkxm

PRODUCTION: HOKK MEDIA
INTERVIEW AND TEXT: YANNI W / HOKK FABRICA
VIDEO: SONIA C / HOKK FABRICA
TRANSCREATION: DAWNY TSOI
DESIGN: WINNIE F / HOKK FABRICA

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