What are your goals for 2015? Weight loss, saving up, quitting bad habits? How about the most amazing feeling in the world – love? For those singles out there, you might have put down finding my ideal man/woman as the New Year’s goal. If so, keep a close eye on this post. Even if you’re not single, you might want to pay attention to this because we met Korea’s No.1 love & relationship expert Lee Jae Mok. Let’s have a quick peek into his job and listen to his relationship advices.
在新的一年你有什麼目標?減肥?儲蓄?還是戒掉壞習慣?那麼追求愛情又如何呢?如果你早以放棄追求理想對象,那麼你就要留意這篇文章!名草/花有主的你,也不要錯過,因為我們將會跟韓國首屈一指的愛情關係專家Lee Jae Mok來個對談,了解一下他的工作以及聽聽他對兩人關係有什麼建議。
L: Lee Jae Mok | Hf: HOKK fabrica
中:中文翻譯
Hf: Hello. Please introduce yourself.
中:你好!!先介紹一下自己吧!
L: I am a professional love consultant of Korea’s largest marriage information company DUO. I have been working here for 13 years. I plan events, speak at lectures, appear on TV shows and write books on relationship advices.
中:我是韓國最大婚姻資訊公司DUO的專業愛情顧問,我在這工作已有13年了,負責籌備活動、出席演講會和上電視節目,還有寫關於關係建議的書籍。
ON BEING A LOVE CONSULTANT
Hf: How did you become a love consultant?
中:你是如成為一位愛情顧問的呢?
L: I actually started off my career as a comedian after graduating from Dongguk University with a degree in political science. Back then, being a comedian was what I was good at, so I did that. Afterwards, I switched my career as a love consultant by working at DUO. Through the past 13 years at DUO, I have been recognized as a star consultant and have been invited to TV shows and seminar/lectures to give love advices. One common factor that runs along my life path is that all the activities I did focus on relationships and how to influence others. Maybe that’s why I became an expert in this field.
中:其實我在東國大學是修讀政治學的,但我發現自己擅長演戲,所以畢業後就成為了一位演員,之後轉換工作到了DUO當愛情顧問,在這13年的工作中,我成為了星級顧問,被邀請出席電視節目和座談會,給予大家愛情建議。而其中一個與人生共通的因素就是所有活動我都專注在兩人關係當中與如何影響他人,這也許就是讓我成為這範疇專家的原因。
Hf: What does your job entail?
中:那麼你的職業通常有什麼需要做的?
L: I write columns, books and do interviews for matchmaking. I manage matchmaking programs and events such as choosing the location, target and ways to promote events. In a nutshell, I do matchmaking through parties. Normally at these events, we have a MC and different programs to get strangers know each other.
中:我會寫專欄、書籍和為相親作訪問。我還要管理相親活動的細節如選擇地點、目標對象和如何宣傳活動,總括來說,就是做「媒人」。通常在這些活動上我們會安排一位司儀與不同節目讓人們認識對方。
Hf: What kind of people seek for your help?
中:通常會有什麼人找你幫忙?
L: Mainly introverts come seek our help or those who haven’t had the chances to meet their life partner due to grueling work. We regard ourselves as assistants in which we could make a comfortable atmosphere for event participants to get to know each other and possibly develop good feelings. I feel like Koreans don’t receive proper education on love whether it’s emotional or physical, and they never question the nature of marriage itself. I think the Korean society has communication problems. It is DUO and my job to create as much opportunities we can to provide education on human emotions and relationships – how to relate with others.
中:大多是一些比較內向的人或是因為工作忙碌而無機會結識伴侶的人會找我們幫忙。我們都會視自己為他們的助理,為他們製造舒適的氣氛去認識雙方並建立良好的感覺。對我來說,無論在情感上或肉體上,韓國人都缺乏正式的愛情教育,他們從不過問婚姻是什麼一回事,我認為韓國社會有溝通問題,而這就是DUO和我的工作,盡我們所能去創造機會為他們提供情感與關係上,如何跟其他人連繫的教育。
Hf: What are some perks and downs of your job?
中:工作上有什麼讓你高興與失落的時候?
L: I would have to say the best part of my job is to see people who were inept in relationships to find someone through my company’s events and eventually tie the knot. I found myself shedding a tear recently when I officiated two weddings – both of which were possible with the help of me and my company. However, sometimes there are situations when event participants cheat on their existing partners. Since our company holds events aimed at finding the best partner for marriage, there are situations when the male participant’s girlfriend (or someone they’re seeing) rant into the event hall and accuse him of cheating. Our company would be able to check out the participants’ marital status by going through office databases, but we can’t possibly figure out if the participants are seeing anyone, so it breaks my heart sometimes when I see situations like that.
中:我必須說最好的就是看見他們從一個不懂任何技巧的人到找他們的另一半,到最後成功走在一起,還記得其中兩次在主持婚禮時我忍不住流下淚呢,他因為們都是藉著我和公司的幫忙才可以一起。不過有時候也會遇上參加者背著伴侶「偷吃」的情況。我們的宗旨就是為他們找到最佳的結婚伴侶,但有時一些男參加者的女朋友(或者是一些認識的人)會走到活動場地大吵大嚷,指他在「偷吃」。我們是可以根據資料庫去查清楚參加者的婚姻狀況,但我們無法知道參加者見過什麼人。遇上這些情況其實挺傷心的。
ON LOVE
Hf: Should you be friends with your ex?
中:你認為應該和前度做朋友嗎?
L: To answer this, I have to say that I am against the statement that men and women can be friends. Attraction to the opposite sex is natural, and I don’t see how or why reason can overcome emotions and split couples can see each other with 100% reason. There are two consequences for the split couple if they see each other after the breakup – the one I just mentioned, and the other with being sex partners. Which one do you think will have a higher chance? Definitely the second one. However, if someone out there would disagree and rebut my statement saying “I am good friends with my ex,” then I have nothing to say since it goes back to the bottom line that everybody is different.
中:要答這個的話,我必須說我反對「男女是可以做朋友」這道理,異性相吸是正常的,但我看不見也找不到為什麼理由可以蓋過情感,也看不到為何一對分開了的情侶會有百份百的理由去見面,一對情侶會在分手後見面只有兩種情況,一種是我之前所說(在相親活動碰面),另一種則是把對方當作性伴侶,而你認為那種情況的機會會較高呢?當然是後者。 不過如果有人反駁說:「我跟前度是好朋友。」, 那我也沒話說,畢竟每個人也不同。
Hf: Should you move in together with your partner before marriage?
中:結婚前應該跟伴侶同居嗎?
L: I would say no. People talk, act and behave differently on various occasions and moving in together with your partner before marriage would impose less responsibility on the two compared to marriage. Therefore, couples would show their ugly sides, not go out on dates a lot and break up easily if they think living together doesn’t work out. However, for married couples, it’s different. They have responsibilities and duties as a married couple and will try to maintain the relationship if living together was a bit rusty.
中:我會說不應該,因為人們總是說一套做一套,婚前同居的責任感相對婚後沒那麼重,所以情侶們很容易就會展現出醜陋面,如不常出外約會,當雙方發現不能再住在一起時,很快就會分手;但對於已婚伴侶來說就是另一回事,當生活開始乏味時,他們就會想辦法去維持大家的關係。
Hf: How should couples overcome religious differences?
中:情侶應如何克服信仰上的不同?
L: I think it’s all about understanding. If two people couldn’t have that much space to understand each other, they shouldn’t have begun the relationship in the first place.
中:我認為這在於相互了解,如果兩個人沒有太多空間去了解對方,那麼他們一開始就不應該展開這段關係。
Hf: Any final remarks?
中:有什麼最後建議嗎?
L: Everyone is different. You never know anyone until you meet them in person and get to know them better. I would advise the readers not to take trending relationship advices such as “10 ways to make a boyfriend” or “5 things that guys would find attractive in girls” seriously, since, after all, everyone’s different. For instance, some people like being greeted loudly upon entering a restaurant, and others, simply just don’t like it and find it annoying. Same rule goes for human relationships. You have to get to know that person and find out what his/her tastes are like and act accordingly. Treating people at a party has to be different for alcohol lovers and those who don’t drink. Wise decision needs to be made on how you will act with these different kinds of people and people need to know how to embrace diversity.
中:每個人也不同,在你真的見面和了解他們之前,你永遠不知道那是什麼人,我建議讀者不要去跟那些潮流建議,什麼「10個交男朋友的方法」或是「5個讓男生覺得女生吸引的東西」等等,真的每個人也不同,例如一些人會喜歡人在進入餐廳時大聲招呼他,一些人卻會覺得很煩。人與人的關係也是同一道理,你要清楚他是什麼人,了解他的喜好習性,在派對上對待喜歡和不喜歡喝酒的人也會有不同方法。面對不同類型的人,你需要作出明智的決定,也需要知道如何接納多樣性。
Photos courtesy of Lee Jae Mok
TEXT & INTERVIEW: JISU J
CHINESE TRANSLATION: CHRIS Y
GRAPHICS: TONY W/ HOKK FABRICA
15 January 2015, 9:43 AM
HOKK fabrica
原來不只一種模樣
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